File under: In my own words...: "Giving up doesn't always mean you are weak; somet...

File under: In my own words...: "Giving up doesn't always mean you are weak; somet...: As of late, I have been finding myself stuck...real....stuck. You say you are a visual person? Alright, picture this: you know when you have...

"Giving up doesn't always mean you are weak; sometimes, it means you are strong enough to let go."

As of late, I have been finding myself stuck...real....stuck. You say you are a visual person? Alright, picture this: you know when you have a great new pair of heels and you end up walking over every terrain possible to get to your outing-of-choice, including (my personal favorite) railroad tracks with more gravel than steel....and you know what happens. Your new, precious heel becomes STUCK in every single hole in the concrete and in between rails. The people you are with are frustrated because you are not only slowing them down, but you are scared you are going to fall and bust your face into a million pieces....and they say "you should have worn flats"....really?
1. I do NOT like to change the way I do things. Why? Because I evidently love insanity (you know, doing the same thing over and over and over and over and over and over and over...and expecting different results).
2. Physically, emotionally, and mentally "stuckness" all seem to work together for me....as of late. I have never physically felt like I couldn't get away from certain places/situations/relationships....but, a'hoy! I do now. You ask, "well, cortney, why not remove yourself and move forward?" My response (edited version): because I am scared and comfort in inconsistencies, well, that seems to be my thing.
3. I think it's rude when boys walk ahead of you and make you walk *alone through stupid railroad tracks, etc. when they are with you. Reference point: I was with an ex (friends really shouldn't let friends EVER hang out with slimball ex'es...at any cost!) and his sleezy friend and I had this heel scenario. GUESS who fell and permanently scared their knee with zero help getting up from dumb and dumber? Oh, most definitely it wasn't me (it was). Disclaimer: the heels were OK and made it through the spill.

Now, let's get back to being stuck. . . sans the shoes (they were beautiful Steve Maddens).
I feel that it is my responsibility to save my friends, family, strangers, car hops at Sonic and every single dog (mostly the dogs) from ever feeling: less than good enough, unworthy of any single human need (except raisins, i HATE raisins), ugly-inside and outside, like a disappointment, or not needed. I stay up at night wondering what I can do to stop some of these feelings from happening to those I love....and then they feel these feelings anyway. And then you know what happens?! I feel the exact things I am trying to stop them from feeling. . . .oh mind of mine, why are you such a mess!? Answer: I do believe it is bc I am determined to love, care, support, build-up, encourage until I absolutely have nothing left....Rewind back to "I feel it's my responsibility to save...." And I wonder why I am stuck in a not-so-phenomenal place? Some might say it's because you must "first put your own life vest on before placing your neighbors on them"....and even though I agree with that statement...I have the most difficult time taking it to heart. 

Solution: Eat more steak and pork chops and constantly stay in a meat coma so I don't have to change my way of thinking.

Or.....let go..

I found this poem, and I just think it fits me (like those heels that got stuck in the railroad tracks...that are somehow still intact) and where I'm at. . . and that means . . . it fits many of you, too. Read on and enjoy!

To “let go” does not mean to stop caring; it
means I can’t do it for someone else. 

To “let go” is not to cut myself off; it’s the
realization I can’t control another.

To “let go” is not enable, but to allow
learning from natural consequences.

To “let go” is to admit powerlessness, which 
means the outcome is not in my hands.

To “let go” is not to try to change or blame
another, it’s to make the most of myself.

To “let go” is not to care for, but to care about.

To “let go” is not to fix, but to be supportive.

To “let go” is not to judge, but to allow another
to be a human being.

To “let go” is not to be in the middle, arranging
all the outcomes, but to allow others to affect
their own destinies.

To “let go” is not to be protective, it’s to permit
another to face reality.

To “let go” is not to deny, but to accept.

To “let go” is not to nag, scold, or argue, but
instead to search out my own shortcomings
and correct them.

To “let go” is not to adjust everything to my
desires, but to take each day as it comes and
cherish myself in it.

To “let go” is not the regret the past, but to
grow and live for the future.

To “let go” is to fear less and love more.

 -Author Unknown

Keep on keepin' on.....and never forget extra ketchup when enjoying lima beans.

-Cortney<3