----serenity:)
Recently, I was introduced to some pieces of my life that are now a part of my "so called puzzle" (ha, that's funny), and hopefully those pieces will stay and I won't need anymore to finish that section of my life (puzzle, yep). I believe that everything that happens in our lives is for a purpose...a very wonderful purpose. If I didn't believe that, well, I am certain I wouldn't be here to write about it. I talked to a wise man this past week, and as our chat was coming to an end, he said, "Cortney, there are people right now, struggling with things you understand, and in order for them to get better...you have to take care of you, so you can live your purpose...to help them with your story." Every single one of us exists for a REASON. Be that to help someone who is going through something that we never in 1043.2984 million years thought we ourselves would live through...to understand and learn from. I don't believe there is one living being that doesn't have an amazing purpose.
Now, saying all of that....I also believe that some people's purpose in particular people's lives is to teach them what pain is. teach them how to get through hard times. teach them how to find comfort in other's presence. teach them how to dig deep and find the strength they never knew they had. And to those people, we should thank. Not only for showing us who we really are when times get tough, but for exemplifying what we must, at all costs, stay away from. ((I think some card company needs to get in on this whole thanking your biggest nightmares theme....)) :)
Okay, story time.
I went to an event in November and met a guy. Fortunately for him, I will not use his name... primarily because I feel like vomiting when I even think about it and I am not trying to ruin my keyboard on his behalf. The night I met X, I had also just been told about my good friend (past boyfriend, but not one of the bad kind...just the kind that wasn't meant for you)being "serious" with a girl (I knew they were together, but knowing my past BF, I didn't envision him getting too serious so soon). Not only did I get told this, but sister who told me went into detail....Now, if you know me, you know I have extreme dilemmas when faced with controversy. After hours of stewing over all the unwanted information I had been given, I was devastated. Reason: Ole boy is the only solid male I have been close to (besides grandfather) that hasn't used my life as a weapon against me (waa waaa pooor me.. NO, just a statement about reality). After drinking a few too many beverages, I find myself at a bar in a yuck town, surrounded by who knows who. One of these who knows who just happens to be X -(the male that provokes my brain to want to vomit spontaneously). And wouldn't you know, that I find X (scary radar for these fellas) and we eventually start "talking".
Side note: this is going to be fun.....
My favorite movies are the ones that have a villain...someone who is terribly mean, ignorant, and unjustifiably horrible. Example: Silence of the Lambs (ALL time fav). It breaks my heart that Hannibal is so torn up inside. . that everyone feels negatively towards him. I want to hug him and help him feel better about himself and therefore treat other people with respect (basically, just refrain from eating them in Hannibal's circumstance). The most unfortunate part about my love for the "bad guys" in movies, is that it seems to have transferred to real people, too. I want to help them so badly, that I allow myself to get hurt in the process. I am not naive, nor am I a complete idiot (sorry to disappoint) concerning these males. These boys are skilled. They know my type, and they cling on to us and suck the life out of us in order to continue living their unfortunate lives. Maybe I should start telling people that my favorite movies are like...the notebook and nights in rodanthe? :)
Alright, so back to X. After I started to get to know his alias (because the real X is far from the person I met), I just knew I had finally met a "good" guy. I was told the stories about how his past few relationships had failed and how he was just so confused about how things happened the way they did (call me Nancy Drew if you'd like, but I've now got that case SOLVED). Y'all, I felt SORRY for the boy. I wanted to cry real tears over the things he had been through. I found myself equally confused how someone who could hurt sweet ole X. Even though I wasn't looking to "date" anyone and I wasn't even initially interested in the guy, I decided to give it a chance. Maybe it would be good to have someone to get to know and hang out with (writing this is like knowing there is a monster under my bed but I just can't see him yet....he's coming, don't worry!). Well, at first, (of course) things were swell. X was sweet, thoughtful, and very good with words. Until....couple months later when my brain woke up(well, of course there was a lot of odd thigns that happened that I put in my "deal with later" tab).
After a night out, I was over at X's house (this whole night before seeing him was a red flag in itself...i would like to argue that I am completely color and realty blind in these circumstances) and low and behold things start coming together (remember those puzzle pieces? well, this is were they come in). X is in the other room and his phone is in bathroom, where I am (p.s it's 2 a.m)and a girl keeps on calling and calling..and then texts. Well, unfortunately, I knew her and I was so caught off guard by her calling him at that hour. . until, I decided to yell to him that ___ was calling and he should answer. . and when he didn't come, yep, I looked at the text (last bro I talked to, got caught with another lady via text, too....ugh, seriously stop being so dumb) and it said, "am I gonna get to see you tonight;)" and THEN..I look up..and there's X...about to strangle me and probably smile while-st doing it. I sat the phone down and ole X starts yelling all sorts of garbage blaabllaaablaaa and some other nonsense went on..and then duh, I drove home. The next day (on his way to church..aww, ain't you so perfect?!) X texts me some nonsense about who knows what (fried brains, take 1!) and then calls me. At this point, I am still thinking ole girl was just calling and texting because she had been drinking etc etc (once again, color blind.. RED flag)...in the next couple days, more and more and more extreme nonsense is brought up, and blamed on me. At this point, I have been called names that I would be offended to even read on a page, told how my "Dr. Phil" life was a waste and wished he'd never met me. These were all texts (why my phone didn't response REJECTED when he tried to send me those, I am still unsure). After I told him to just leave me alone and quit saying things that made me hyperventilate and cry an ocean, he said, "you are such a nice and gorgeous girl, i am actually embarrassed i said that" (seriously, 5 minutes after he basically told me I'd be better off dead)...the oddddest part about all of it, was i had NO idea where nor WHY he was ready to pronounce me dead (last time this happened-very different situation, but nonetheless ole boy before X was chatting away at 2 a.m about you know what, while I was right there with him...well, he punched holes in walls when he would get caught...but his favorite thing to do was blame it on the fact that he "couldn't help that these girls were interested in him..HAHA duh, because you are so suave...)
So, a couple days after I decide I must in fact be less than day old barf, a nice little phone call provides all the yummy details of X's extreme behavior/words. Wouldn't you know that he had been sleeping (gag, doesn't that sound terrible!? yes, it does.) with a girl (the one calling him that night..haha, duhhh) ever since we met?! haha, my bad, i gave some fool the benefit of the doubt and thought..for a minute (or few months), that people can be GOOD and TRUSTWORTHY..oops. After I sit in absolute disgust at the things being told to me, I decide it best to tell ole X what I was told. Go ahead and figure that he said the following
"don't contact me, I don't want you in my life"
"lol"
"what is wrong with you? sorry you are having such a hard time grasping the fact that you weren't my girlfriend" (yuck)
"sorry ur having a bad day"
fjdshfjdksfjhfkhfdksfhdshfdsk and other things that aren't URL appropriate.
My favorite thing I said t him was, "karmas a bitch. good luck :) " haha, i so bad
I could have included a lot a lot..a lottt of the good ole details that would make this little tale even more disgusting; however, those are written down and hidden...and one day burned:).
Take home notes:
1. Stay away from people who allow you to continue to feel like gum on the bottom of their shoes
2. Talk to your friends...they will probably be able to pull you out of the BS quicksand before you know you are in it
3. The last boy to do this went for an 18 year old; so, at least this girl wasn't a freshman in college....props
4. Just because some cruel, heartless monster told you that you are a waste of time and too "difficult"...doesn't mean you are either.
5. When someone blames you for doing things/saying things you would never do/say....well, unfortunately, they are probably the guilty party
6. Trust must be earned; wikapedia "con artist" before you start talking to any male OR female
7. If you feel you have to lie about things someone does or says to you in order to protect them, well, run.
8. Pray. A lot.
9. Have your eyes and heart checked. RED flags are very crucial.
10. Love yourself. Even when someone tries to deny you that opportunity.
ICE CREAM TIME!
-Cortney
