In the early 80's, there was a girl (who was my mom) and a guy (may dad) and they decided to get married. The girl went to JC Penny's and bought a long, cream dress with long-sleeved laced corset top. The guy picked out a suit he probably already owned and found a tie to match.
In my mom's parent's living room, there stood a preacher, my mom with a small bouquet of flowers, and my dad, hoping the ceremony would end as quickly as possible.
When I was a little girl, I loved browsing through my mom's closet, especially when I reached the back, home to her formal dresses. I was always so impressed by the texture, the length, and the detail on two particular dresses. When I was in trouble, my best hiding spot was in the back of the closet, close behind those dresses. I don't recall ever being found when hiding with those dresses, one time, even waking up after a long hiatus of hiding from punishment and not being found.
When my sweet fiance put this gorgeous ring on my finger, little did I know what all would come with our engagement. Dress shopping,wedding cake tasting, flower searching. All of it only things I've dreamed of, hoped for.
My mom told me a few details about her wedding, but, mostly just told me that she hoped I would wear a big, fancy dress. That my family would get along well enough to all be around each other during the ceremony. That it would be a special day.
Now that I'm engaged, I find myself missing my mom, needing my mom, in a different way than I ever have. I guess tradition tells us that this is a time a mom and daughter can form another special bond. In the last several weeks, instead of enjoying the planning, the engagement, I have mourned the fact that I don't have my mom and I am completely alone in this stage of my life (even though i'm not). Bad mood, irritable, just not fun to be around..
I decided to spend some time figuring out why/how/whats of weddings to re-gain some control and make this whole wedding planning business fun..and not a constant punch-in-the-stomach reminder of not having my mom around to help me do everything...."right".
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Ancient Egyptians, clustered in the fertile lands along the Nile, collected flowers in their travels and venerated the local lotus. The symbolic lotus appears widely in Egyptian art and may have been a wedding decoration. Marriages were simple, civil agreements then, and archaeological discoveries show only that Egyptian brides carried thyme and garlic as a shield against evil spirits.
Brides carried sheaths of wheat, a statement of and supplication for fertility. Those hand-tied stalks were often embellished with other grains, branches of fruiting or nut trees, anything to signal abundance and foretell happiness, good fortune and lots of children.
A custom from the Tudor period -- 1485 to 1603, within the Elizabethan Age -- was a feature of wedding receptions called the "kissing knot." This is a ball of blossums, sometimes studded with greenery, suspended over the bride-and-groom's section of the head table. Kissing knots hold the same mystique and custom as sprigs of mistletoe tacked over doorways - the lucky couple who comes together under them is entitled to a kiss. In the case of the wedding knot, the flowers are a reminder of romance and the promise of a long and faithful marriage.
Ever wonder why bridesmaids are often asked to wear matching dresses to support the bride during the processional? Me, too. I found some interesting info on Southernliving.com and it went like this:
"It wasn't always to ensure the bride stood out, while her best pals donned over-priced, never-to-be-worn-again gowns. Quite the opposite, as bridesmaids originally wore similar dresses to the bride to confuse her exes and outsmart evil spirits. That way, the evil spirits wouldn't know which woman in the group was getting married."
As far as bridesmaid duty, in early Roman times, bridesmaids would line up to form somewhat of a protective shield while walking the bride to the groom's village. The group of women, who were similarly dressed, were expected to intervene if any vengeful paramours tried to hurt the bride or steal her dowry.
And you know the tradition of preserving the top tier of the wedding cake for the couple to save for their first anniversary? Did you know that saving the cake was also tied to having a baby?.....
Way back when, people assumed that the bride would have a baby within a year. The idea of saving the top the half of cake was so the newlyweds wouldn’t have to buy a celebratory dessert to announce the pregnancy or birth.
However, instead of letting myself sit alone and wonder "would planning a wedding with me make my mom feel more loved by me? would she feel loved enough to get the help she needed? would we have developed the relationship I begged fate to bring us?" I'm going to celebrate that someone wants to spend his life with me (and my dogs) and be grateful for the ladies in my life who can/will/do all this "mom" stuff.
Of course, we'll listen to the Eagles at our wedding, because, my mom would request that...every, single, time.
Every night
I'm lying in bed
Holdin' you close in my dreams
Thinkin' about all the things that we said
And comin' apart at the seams
We try to talk it over
But the words come out too rough
I know you were tryin'
To give me the best of your love
-Eagles, The Best of My Love
