Currently, I am experiencing a love affair with joy. The neatest part about this, is how I spent soo much time being preoccupied with worry, waited for doom, expected nothing good, and believed that nothing positive was going to come out of my two weeks in Fort Smith, Arkansas. Well. I was wrong. All of the things I worried about happening..have happened. But, I have dealt with them...and am making it.
I have made is 8 days in Fort Smith/Fayetteville. It's been hard. I have cried (waawaa, however, if you know me, you know this is actually not a terrible thing because I normally allow myself to "feel" enough to cry about once a year?) almost daily. I have called my grandparents more than they have gone to the casino in the past week (a LOT). But.
I have found exactly...110% what I want to do with the rest of my life.
I am joyful.
I love working with the aging population. My grandparents are the best people in my life...not because the are cute, sweet, and older...but because they put everything in their life on hold to send me to hospitals and long term care centers for months at a time to keep me alive. My parents had given up. Some of my friends did the same. My grandparents instead paid the equivalent to a couple years at an Ivy League school for me to spend 4 months at a treatment center. Why? Because they loved me when I was not myself. when I was the most un-lovable. I want to give back to a population that has saved my life with their generosity, compassion, and support. I will no doubt take care of my grandparents when they get to that point, but until then, I want to surround myself with people like them.
I am thankful.
whenever I get upset or worried, I try to push through and think of what makes me happy...no, *joyful. It makes me smile...which I think somehow makes your brain think you are happy, and all sorts of weird stuff happens in your body and BAM! you be happy (it's science, and probably proven somewhere).
1. Reconnecting with friends from loooong ago (who now have dachshunds, too) :)
2. Eating my favorite food (braum's frozen yogurt) and thinking about good memories that have caused me to love it (my papaw used to take all the grandkids when he came into town and let us get whhhhaaaatever we wanted...go figure I got out of control amounts of every kind of ice cream with chocolate)
3. Spending time with kids I used to babysit..who are now teenagers and don't think they are too cool to be seen with me
4. Finding my name on the University of Arkansas Senior walk (even if i graduated 3 years ago and just found it)
5. Getting a Birthday card with a singing pig on cover, and opening it to read"I know it's not even close to your birthday, but I learned from you that it doesn't matter what the card says, if it has a pig or dachshund on it, it's a must buy" and finding out the card..and money!..were for my high school graduation...that was 7 years ago:)
6. Listening to the nursing home residents say how much they love their life, living, and seeing their loved ones live a happy life. keywords: loving life
7. Discovering what passion feels like
8. Letting some scary memories go....and making new, happier memories
9. Talking on the phone with friends..and NOT texting them.
10. Getting to see my mom happy. she is babysitting ellie for 2 weeks and i haven't seen her smile and talk so upbeat in..years.
Just a couple quotes that I love and strongly believe in :)
There are two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle - Albert Einstein.
I think everyone should be told they’re beautiful until they believe it -Unknown
On school nights, my mom used to let my brother and I lay in her bed and watch it before going to bed. She would take turns scratching our backs while we fell asleep and she ate her dinner. This was my favorite part of the day, and I have been thinking about how thankful I am for that time I had with my mom...and brother. :)
joyfully yours,
cortney
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