Dear heart, it is time for your restoration.

Vacation!:)

My friend Amanda and I have been at my grandparent's condo all week, enjoying the sunshine and pretty water. The trip started out roughly because of a three day melt down my mind decided to have (on vacation?! what a rip off!). Long story short, I have had to come to terms with taking steps backwards in order to eventually make steps forward. Remember when I mentioned I was BRICK head!? Yea, it has taken its toll and I am finally to the point I had to get to in order to realize how unmanageable my life has become. I am bitter. Mad. Upset. Broken-hearted. but. I am slowly but surely becoming hopeful in who I am, who I will be, and how I am going to get there (bumper boats, roller coasters, and walking on tight ropes have NOT been healthy transporters for me). Looks like a slooooooow walk with lots of places/people/lessons to encounter and learn from....sigh.

"By perseverance the snail reached the ark." -Charles Haddon Spurgeon

I am reading "Never Give Up!" by Joyce Meyers. I am certain the friends I have made on the beach wonder why I am reading a book with chapters titled, "Never give up on yourself" or "Your own worst enemy", but they would be thrilled I was reading this if they knew ME. It's nice to read something that leads me to believe perhaps I am not the complete disaster zone I believe I am. Ole Joyce and I have a similiar past with abuse and she writes on how to conquer the behaviors, fears, and self-destructive thoughts that a past like this often creates. I realize a book won't cure my UNmanageability, but...it's a start for me to admit I NEED to address myself."If God removed all fear, we would never grow and overcome obstacles." -J.M  

.....

I am starting from scratch. Counting on hope in everything. Loving my blessings. Asking for forgiveness. Allowing myself to get help for things I can no longer battle alone. Moving on from people who don't understand or care about me (possibly hardest thing for me to get through...but most valuable). and pulling myself together...again. 

Love someone. Tell them they matter. Be blessed and give blessings. Never be afraid to fall to pieces when the pieces don't fit together. You never know when the "missing" pieces are waiting to take place of those broken pieces and make your life what it was meant to be....whole.

When you get into a tight place and everything goes against you, till it seems as though you could not hold on a minute longer, never give up then, for that is just the place and time that the tide will turn. " -Harriet Beecher Stowe

Love:)